Chimeric Idol
by Pooka da Chao
Summary: Why did he let him...? It was wrong...There's no doubt about that. But Sirius needed the comfort...Yeah, Lupin, just keep telling yourself that.
1. Chimeric Idol

Disclaimer: I own not the wonderful world of Harry Potter. I claim no ties to them beside the disgusting amount of love and adoration. Let it be known! These characters are owned by the wonderful J.K. Rowling. She is a goddess.  
  
Warning: Involves slash and implied rape. Review is wanted, but flamers beware. Hell, I'll make this an over all apology. The next chapter will make up for this deed, loves, I promise. This just needed to happen to set the rest of this in motion.  
  
"Just...Just fuck off Potter!" the boy screamed at the top of his lungs, slamming the door to the dormitories with a resounding clatter. His handsome face was twisted in anger, and in those angry lines of his scrunched face, tears fell in cool lines. He wheezed softly as he stomped to his bed, and threw himself into the comforter and pillows.  
  
Remus doubted his friend had even seen him sitting so quietly on his own bed. A book spread out in front of him, with a wide eyed gaze directed at the very obviously upset Sirius. He'd never seen him cry. And how many times have you cried in front of him? Remus question himself, blushing at his inability to count. He'd always found it strange to think Sirius was the most emotional and empathetic of them all. He doubted anyone else knew that dirty little secret, so to speak, beside the Gryffindor tower's occasional glimpse of some sort of angry outburst.  
  
Just like this one. I'll wait until he's done to make my presence known. Remus sat quietly, though the shaking frame of his friend soon made him feel as if he were being completely cold-hearted. How many times has he offered you solace, Remus Lupin? How many times has he held you until your tears dried?  
  
Remus stood slowly, wincing at the creak of protest by his bed. Sirius didn't seem to notice, a strangled cry emitted between the wheezing sobs. Slowly, cautiously, Remus made his way over to the other boy's bed. He even took his time sitting down on the edge of the bed, careful to make his presence little more than nothing.  
  
The lycanthrope still wasn't sure he wanted to do this. To comfort him. To be a friend? Mentally, he slapped himself for such thoughts. How dare he even consider not being there for him?  
  
A quivering hand was slowly lowered to the youth's shoulder, and suddenly everything was still. Quiet. Nothing. He didn't even breathe, Remus noted, hurt. Why had he considered this as right?  
  
The other boy turned suddenly, staring blearily, and red-eyed, at Remus. He looked faintly confused. Remus offered a small worried smile. Sirius' lips twitched, as if he were trying to say he was all right. "Reh....?" the hoarse voice questioned.  
  
"Sh... Sirius. Everything will be fine." Remus felt cheap offering up such reassurances. Ones he'd heard too many times to believe anymore.  
  
"Oh sweet Merlin, Remus, no it won't." With that, Remus suddenly found himself engulfed by his friend's confining arms. For a moment, Remus couldn't place himself at anywhere in particular. He couldn't figure out what had happened. The in slow stages, he returned the favor, hugging his friend to him. Sirius' head was buried in his shoulder, his knee awkwardly and painfully jabbing into Remus' side and his arms squeezing a tad too tight. Remus wanted to protest, but he couldn't find the heart to squeak out a protest, to interrupt Sirius' moment.  
  
"James said something stupid, or was it Peter this time? You know you shouldn't listen to them. They can be such idiots. Not that you can't be, Padfoot, but..." Oh that was comforting. Sigh. Remus had never been good at this shit.  
  
Abruptly, Sirius' lips were on his own. The sultry heat of his mouth, the saltiness of his tears, and Remus wanted none of it. He whimpered softly, trying to pull away, finding his friend far stronger than his own measly attempts to struggle.  
  
Why was this wrong? Why was this wrong, when he'd spent nights simply sitting beside Sirius', watching the other boy sleep? Why was this wrong, when he'd fantasized endlessly, that his jokes were actually truthful when speaking in romantic tones to him?  
  
Sirius turned the still struggling Remus, repositioning the smaller boy underneath him. Again, Remus whimpered, squirming, in hopes of Sirius coming to his senses. Please, God, Merlin, Godric, anyone...Save me from this...Burning tears dribbled onto Remus' cheeks, and he looked up, panicking into Sirius' cool blue eyes. If the tears weren't there, he wouldn't look like he was crying.  
  
Remus' breath came raggedly when Sirius' mouth released his. And they stared at one another. Remus was terrified. He'd never thought of Sirius as being so strong. He'd never though of Sirius as this kind of person...  
  
Then the steel of his friend's gaze fell, all barriers fell. And Sirius was no more than a child. A child asking for acceptance. A child reaching out desperately for some sort of attention. Remus had seen this in him before, but never so raw. Never.  
  
Remus was stilled. How could he fight this? This wasn't something to fight. This was something... someone who needed reassurance. Who needed solace.  
  
Gingerly, the fists that had been beating on Sirius' chest were wrapped around his neck. He did want this. He wanted this. He had always wanted this. No matter how many times he repeated it in his head, it didn't feel right. When he closed his eyes, it didn't go away. It would come again. It would be another kiss. It would be another lie. But Remus comforted his friend.  
  
The warmth and wonderful sensation of flesh touching flesh was not enough to sedate him. He felt dirty. Even though Sirius now held him lovingly, even though Sirius had been gentle, even though he'd always wanted this...It was wrong. Remus held his breath as another sob tried to surface. Sirius nuzzled him between his shoulder blades, and Remus tried not to cringe. 


	2. Diving Gryffin

Disclaimer: I own not the wonderful world of Harry Potter. I claim no ties to them beside the disgusting amount of love and adoration. Let it be known! These characters are owned by the wonderful J.K. Rowling. She is a goddess.  
  
Notes: Ok...I kinda claimed this would all be sopped up in this chapter...It turns out Sirius and Remus have a bit more to work over. Maybe the third one will be the last one. Ach...poor boys.  
  
"Twenty-one...Twenty-two...Twenty-thr..." Remus glared at the light-eyed man sitting across from him.  
  
"I know for a fact, Sirius Black, that you do not need to be counting aloud."  
  
"Twenty-four..."  
  
"Sirius! That's horribly distracting!"  
  
"Twenty-five..."  
  
"You aren't even looking at what you're doing."  
  
"Twenty-s-s-six..."  
  
"Oh, now I know you're teasing me."  
  
"Twe-twenty-s-s-seven..."  
  
"Stop it! Just count them!"  
  
"Twenty-eight...Wait..."  
  
"I told you should have watched what you were doing."  
  
"Bah. I lost count."  
  
"Twenty-nine comes next."  
  
"Great Godric! What do you take me for?"  
  
"An idiot."  
  
"I suppose you aren't too off in that presumption."  
  
"I wouldn't think I was."  
  
"Bah." Sirius dropped the cards he'd been holding. He'd have to start counting over again. This would be the sixth time. It was time for a drink.  
  
Sirius heaved himself up from his chair and shuffled over to the cabinets, kicking Kreacher out of the way as he did so. The house elf grumbled pathetically about being mistreated and how Sirius was such a failure and whatnot...In other words, nothing new. Remus glared at the house elf and motioned for him to leave a bit quicker, not liking the ominous feeling in the pit of his belly.  
  
A bottle of firewhiskey was extracted from the cabinet and before Sirius had finished grabbing his own glass, Remus requested one for himself. Sirius turned a confused look upon the lycanthrope, and then shrugged lightly to himself. He'd never known Remus to be much of a drinker; though being a lycanthrope, he knew Remus could hold his alcohol well. It'd always surprised him that Remus had never been half the drinker James and he were. He had always mused that Remus found James and he far too amusing when drunk to want to miss 'the show,' as Lily had once called it.  
  
When he returned to his seat, he set the two glasses down and filled them halfway. "That's quite a lot of whiskey."  
  
"I don't plan on drinking for the taste."  
  
"Have you ever?"  
  
"No. Do you?"  
  
"Occasionally." To Sirius's surprise, Remus downed the lot of his drink. "I think I'm going to need more than that."  
  
"No doubt...at that rate, I'll need another bottle."  
  
"Twenty-nine...Thirty..."  
  
"Now, now, Remus, no reason to count aloud."  
  
"It doesn't bother you like it bothers me."  
  
"I'm far too much of an idiot. You always were twice my strength intelligence-wise." Sirius cautiously raised a hand, idly dragging a finger down Remus' cheek.  
  
Remus flinched, dropping all the cards he'd been holding. "Damnit. Now I'll have to start again."  
  
"Do you remember that night sixth year?"  
  
"I try to forget it every day of my life."  
  
"Y-you...do?" Sirius' gaze followed Remus as he collected up all the cards and restacked them neatly. Was it his imagination, or was Remus avoiding his eye?  
  
"Yes, Sirius. I do."  
  
"Was it really that bad?"  
  
Remus sighed softly. "No. I just...I wasn't ready. I hardly understood my own feelings for you..."  
  
"Oh Godric..." Sirius moaned softly. "Why did you let me do that?"  
  
"It wasn't like I didn't try to make you stop. You seemed far too caught up in what you were doing...I don't think you even noticed."  
  
"Of course I wouldn't...I'm such an idiot...worse. I should've..." Sirius stood abruptly, abandoning his drink and the bottle of whiskey to hurry from the kitchen.  
  
Remus let his gaze settle on the bottle of whiskey. For moments, stomach roiling emotions seemed the only thing to make a disturbance in the room. Anger, pain, sorrow, regret...Sirius hadn't known what he'd done had been unwanted? What did this mean? 


	3. Brutal Suppression

Disclaimer: I own not the wonderful world of Harry Potter. I claim no ties to them beside the disgusting amount of love and adoration. Let it be known! These characters are owned by the wonderful J.K. Rowling. She is a goddess.  
  
Notes: Bah...Silly boys. Anywho...Think I should keep going? Stop here? Skip ahead, stay in the minutes following this? It is up to you my loves, you are the deciding factor.  
  
"Sirius?"  
  
"You shouldn't be in here. I don't know what I'll do to offend you next."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"No, Remus. No. You shouldn't be sorry."  
  
"It certainly sounded like you were blaming me..."  
  
"I didn't mean it like that. Godric! I didn't know! How could I ever be anything and everything, for you, like I always wanted, when I don't even know when I'm hurting you..."  
  
"'You always hurt the ones you love most.' Isn't that what they say?"  
  
"Not like I did."  
  
"Sirius?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Harry's coming to stay."  
  
"No! Don't let him!"  
  
"Sirius, you are over-reacting."  
  
"I might hurt him..."  
  
"Like you did me?"  
  
"Remus! That's James' son! I could never...I would never...Would I?" Sirius looked on the verge of tears, a sight that made Remus sick to his stomach.  
  
"No, Sirius, you wouldn't. Plus..." Remus offered a small smile and crossed the few steps to where Sirius sat, and knelt in front of him. He pushed Sirius' hands away from his face, to which the fingers had turned white at the knuckles from clutching the distraught face. "...I'm not sure if Harry even swings that way."  
  
"You never know."  
  
"True enough. I guess that would explain him...Er...Never mind."  
  
Sirius couldn't help the small chuckle at Remus' mock thinking face, with his nose all scrunch up and lips forming a disgustingly adorable pout. "I wish I'd been better to you."  
  
Remus tilted his head to one side. "I wouldn't normally ask this, but I can see there is more to that statement. 'Why is that?'"  
  
"Because I still am head-over-heels for you, and I can never make up the point where I broke your trust."  
  
Remus sighed, sitting back on his heels, while the golden gaze drifted over to the fire dancing blissfully under a teapot, completely ignorant to the smiting which would later come. Rather depressing, wasn't it? "I-i..."  
  
"No. Don't try to contradict that." Sirius leaned over and kissed the top of Remus' head tenderly. "It was nice while I had the illusion."  
  
"Sirius?"  
  
"When is Harry coming?"  
  
"I...m-might..."  
  
"You'll be taking him shopping for all his school necessities, yes? Hm. I wish for once I could do that."  
  
"I might...still..."  
  
"Now I can't even go out as Padfoot. D'you know, Dumbledore has plans of keeping me here? I swear the old coot's just a bit of a nutter..."  
  
"I might...still b-be..."  
  
"I dunno if I could stand any more time in here. Retched place this is..."  
  
"Sirius! Listen to me!"  
  
"Maybe it would be best if I didn't."  
  
"Please stop that."  
  
"You're always so polite when you command me to do something."  
  
"Will you please listen?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Remus. I don't think it would be right. You're doing this out of pity."  
  
"I still love you, Sirius Black!"  
  
"Please stop."  
  
"But..."  
  
"You're too good for me."  
  
"B-but..."  
  
"No."  
  
"It means nothing to you?"  
  
"It means everything. I just don't trust myself not to hurt you again."  
  
Remus made a small noise of protest.  
  
"I had thought my feelings were returned once. I...should've...been more careful. I remember dreaming of your arms around me for so long."  
  
"I didn't want it then...that doesn't mean I never wanted it." 


	4. Stormwatch Eagle

Disclaimer: I own not the wonderful world of Harry Potter. I claim no ties to them beside the disgusting amount of love and adoration. Let it be known! These characters are owned by the wonderful J.K. Rowling. She is a goddess.  
  
Notes: cackles I love you Hannio! I felt compelled to write another chapter today for the sake of more reviews from you! (I'm glad you're enjoying this by the way!)  
  
The fire had burned down to small glowing embers and Remus had decided his knees were far too old to be subjected to the torturous wooden floor. Creaking up from his position, he had found himself quite comfortable to sit upon the chair's arm. Sirius had grumbled about it being bad for the frame of the chair, then quickly mended that he didn't care anyway. Remus smiled softly. This is what it should've been. This is what it should've been all along.  
  
Silence permeated the room. Remus shifted uncomfortably, wondering if there was a comfortable way to sit on the arm of a chair without getting a wedgie. Sirius regarded a couch, covered up by either a very large and opaque spider-web or a white sheet, (he wasn't about to tempt it) thoughtfully.  
  
"You're never going to forgive yourself?" Remus broke the silence, standing to adjust his robes to the amusement of Sirius.  
  
"No."  
  
"Even if I did this...?" Remus turned suddenly, grabbing Sirius' face and pressing his lips to the other man's.  
  
Sirius had barely enough time to squeak out, "REH!" before he was engulfed in that swift kiss. The sweet taste of Remus' lips inundated him with thoughts that shouldn't be repeated, especially when trying not to respond.  
  
Remus pulled back, staring at the flustered Sirius. "Well?"  
  
"You can't do that!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because!"  
  
"I think I told you first year that was not an excuse, only the beginning of one."  
  
"It was third year, and I do have more to add on."  
  
"Well, get on with it."  
  
"Because you're the victim." Sirius blushed lightly.  
  
Remus blinked. 'Victim?' Sigh. The lycanthrope shook his head, and then stood silent a few moments. He chewed at the inside of his cheek, trying to think of the exact right answer. "I was never the victim," Remus told Sirius finally. "I could've yelled. I could've hurt you. What I didn't do..."  
  
"Was stop me."  
  
"I didn't know if I should. I wanted it. Just not then, just not there, and not for that reason."  
  
"What reason was that?"  
  
"To comfort you."  
  
"Oh Godric..." Sirius groaned.  
  
"No. Don't turn this around."  
  
"I'm not trying to."  
  
"Yes you are. Now shut up and listen." Wow, why hadn't he tried this kind of command earlier? Sirius now sat, slightly wide-eyed, watching Remus intently, as if he were a puppy waiting to either be scolded or given a biscuit. "I could've done several things. I didn't. Therefore, the blame is to be placed on me. This discomfort? It's all mine. I let you do what you wanted. I wanted to make you feel better. I'd never seen you in tears.  
  
"That day? That day you ran in? You were so angry. So upset. I didn't know why or what or anything. All I knew is that you never let me down when I needed the attention. I felt I was just paying you back."  
  
"I was fine just watching."  
  
"I know."  
  
"So you let me have you? Just like that? The only resistance I remember were a few fists. You hardly hit me. It was like getting hit by a baby..."  
  
"Thanks..." Remus grumbled.  
  
"Face it, if you had wanted to fight me, you would've."  
  
"I think I've been trying to say that." Remus smiled softly. "The next time you figure out the big picture, Watson, don't sound like you are trying to convince yourself."  
  
"Does that make you Sherlock?"  
  
"Oh shut it."  
  
"Sherlock Holmes and the Hounds of Baskerville?"  
  
"Godric...I've gotten you going, haven't I?"  
  
"Arroooo!"  
  
"Oh Merlin's underpants, you're kidding me..."  
  
"Ruff."  
  
"You don't take anything seriously, do you?"  
  
"I try."  
  
"You try?"  
  
"Well...putting a 'Sirius' spin on everything is rather hard..."  
  
"Oh...that was horrid!" Remus made a face and shook his head. "Can we finish talking about this?"  
  
"Well, I thought it was rather slow."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The book. Hounds of Baskerville. Took for-ever! I just couldn't get into the story."  
  
"You know what I meant."  
  
"What do you want me to say, Remus?"  
  
"I want you to stop rejecting me now that I want you."  
  
"No. Never again."  
  
Remus sighed. "Padfoot, you are impossible...But that doesn't stop me from loving you." Remus leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss on Sirius' forehead. "I still love you. I always will." Another kiss was given, now placed upon the Animagus' lips. "I'm going to bed."  
  
Sirius waited until Remus had left the room, then quietly, he pulled his knees up to his chin and whispered. "I'll always love you, Moony." 


	5. Whipstitched Zombie

Disclaimer: I own not the wonderful world of Harry Potter. I claim no ties to them beside the disgusting amount of love and adoration. Let it be known! These characters are owned by the wonderful J.K. Rowling. She is a goddess.  
  
Notes: Humor? What? Pooka is becoming soft? Naw...thought you could use some amusement and a break from the ickiness...Well...enjoy!   
  
So far, not even the sunlight streaming so happily into magicked windows, while birds sang morning hymns and children giggled delightfully, though were unseen, couldn't liven up the air in the kitchen. Sirius sat uncomfortably, dressed in a pair of boxers and slippers. Remus sat across from him, cup of tea in hand, watching the dark-haired man. Of course, this seemed horribly familiar, and not just because it had been going on for quite some time now, rather it was a younger version of them both that had repeated this.  
  
Remus had been as polite as he could manage, and still Mrs. Black glared at him with the utmost disgust. Had Sirius told her that he was a werewolf? Remus shifted uncomfortably in his chair, sitting a bit straighter and sipping his tea.  
  
A glance over at Sirius and James saw them both thoroughly undisturbed, possibly used to the glares disbursed by Mrs. Black, gorging themselves sickeningly. Down the table, Regulus sat by himself, picking at his food with a mournful expression. He almost seemed on the verge of tears. 'Is he always that sad?' Remus had time to think before the younger boy chanced to look up at him. A half-hearted glare was administered, before he picked up his plate and excused himself, softly, from the table.  
  
Mrs. Black waved him on, and eyes still focused on Remus. "Lupin," she murmured, purring his name, almost tasting it. Sirius froze.  
  
"Yes, ma'am?" Remus asked quietly.  
  
"I don't believe I've heard that name before."  
  
"No, ma'am?"  
  
"No." She leaned forward a bit, in the pretense of sipping at her own cup of tea. "Is it a...muggle name?"  
  
"No, ma'am."  
  
"Hm. So you are pure-blooded?"  
  
"My grandmother was muggle-born, ma'am."  
  
"Gaining generations then."  
  
"Ma'am?"  
  
"Mrs. Black."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Call me Mrs. Black. It is my official name, and I feel rather like a ministry worker being called 'ma'am'."  
  
"Sorry, ma—Mrs. Black."  
  
"Quite all right." Mrs. Black stood, her cup apparently empty, she handed it over to the waiting Kreacher. "Tea time at noon. I expect you boys to be on your best behavior. Potter, Sirius...eat like decent young wizards. Your cousins will be in for tea."  
  
"Which ones?" Sirius asked wryly.  
  
"Narcissa, Andromeda and Bellatrix."  
  
"Glee..." Sirius muttered darkly.  
  
"Best behavior, Sirius Black." With that she turned on her toes and disappeared from the room.  
  
Remus in his wolf-y pyjamas, James in his Snitch bottoms and Puddlemere United shirt, and Sirius in puppy boxers...obviously all had been given to the others as jokes on some holiday or birthday. Now that Mrs. Black and Regulus had left, all three boys sat in silent awkwardness.  
  
"So..." Sirius said at last.  
  
"So..." James repeated, nodding.  
  
"So..." Remus said obligingly.  
  
Sirius coughed softly. James went back to gorging himself on the eggs and bacon. Remus sipped his cup, trying to look dignified in the face of idiots...Sirius decided he was managing too well and threw a piece of bacon at him. James grinned over his eggs. Remus managed to look quite like a peeved cat caught in the rain.  
  
Remus fell into the chair and stared at Sirius. "It's true then?"  
  
Sirius nodded, looking ill. "Yes," he sniffed quietly.  
  
"Not a joke? Godric...this can't be real...It just can't be happening!"  
  
"Horrible, isn't it?"  
  
"No, Sirius," Remus giggled and kicked the dark-haired man under the table. "It's wonderful!"  
  
"No more James..." Sirius moaned.  
  
"He's just getting married."  
  
"I'm going to be all alone!" the Animagus wailed.  
  
"Gee...what am I? Dog chow?"  
  
"Not now!" Sirius buried his head in the crook of his arm, which was resting on the table. "I'm in the middle of mourning!"  
  
"Bah. You're hopeless."  
  
"What am I going to do all by myself?"  
  
"Since Peter and I don't exist."  
  
"No more pranks! The marauders have moved on!"  
  
"Wow. I like being considered completely insubstantial."  
  
Sirius jumped to his feet and grabbed Remus by the shoulders, "This is serious!"  
  
"As I recall...You're Sirius." Remus wiggled free of Sirius' grip. "I'm Remus. James is the one getting married..."  
  
Sirius wailed again.  
  
Remus clapped a hand to his brow. "Oi." 


	6. Ridgeline Rager

Disclaimer: I own not the wonderful world of Harry Potter. I claim no ties to them beside the disgusting amount of love and adoration. Let it be known! These characters are owned by the wonderful J.K. Rowling. She is a goddess.  
  
Notes: ;; enough Randomness. I need a break from it. Never doing that again. Bah, anywho, that last chapter really has no significance... I'll try to work it in anyhow. There...almost works...Poor Reggie...he's a bit of a nutter.  
  
"Remember when James and I came over that one time, right before fifth year?"  
  
"Yeah. Peter had a cold as I remember."  
  
"I felt so bad for Reggie."  
  
"Why? Regulus was a prat."  
  
"Are you really that insensitive?"  
  
"Only towards my family."  
  
"Well, that's obvious. Don't you remember how sad he was?"  
  
"Sad? All I remember is that I had to threaten him a few more times than usual to stay away from me."  
  
"He was jealous."  
  
"Who wouldn't be? I had two of the best friends in the entire world, I didn't care what Mum said and I was devilishly handsome."  
  
"You still are."  
  
"Still are what?"  
  
"Still are devilishly handsome."  
  
"Only in my dreams."  
  
"And real life...and my dreams..."  
  
"Remus? Was there a point?"  
  
"I was just remembering Regulus."  
  
"He was a prat."  
  
"He looked up to you. He loved you. And he was horribly jealous of you."  
  
"The only person Regulus ever looked up to was his 'Mummy', and that was only because he was groveling in front of her. That's probably what got him killed to."  
  
"He was horribly jealous of you because he thought you had me."  
  
Sirius sputtered, dropping his teacup. He raised a sleeve and wiped away the sputter tea from his mouth, warily watching Remus. "That's not funny."  
  
Remus leaned back in his chair, stifling a yawn. "It's true."  
  
"Right. And Hippogriffs can talk."  
  
"On the second night..." Remus began.

* * *

It was the second night of the sleepover at the Black family house, Grimmauld Place. Remus was still feeling particularly out of place and had managed to get away from the festivities in Sirius' room to find the loo. Unfortunately, the loo seemed to have taken holiday (something Sirius assured Remus it did often and he should look out to find the other on, which didn't travel so much).  
  
The poor lycanthrope had been drifting around the halls for at least an hour and a half at this point and decided to give up and find a way back to Sirius' room. Of course...at this point, he'd lost Sirius' room as well and was really just meandering through the halls, occasionally asking a portrait for help (which none of them did).  
  
A bay window? Remus was quite sure he hadn't seen that before. Maybe he wasn't going in circles as he had thought. Maybe he could gage his position by the widow's location. Yes, that sounded reasonable, logical.  
  
Suddenly, something with cat-like grace unfolded itself from the shadows of the window. Steel blue gaze was staring, almost glowing in the soft light of the moon and stars, straight at Remus.  
  
"Remus." The word was soft, not said nearly unkindly as Regulus said his elder brother's name.  
  
"Regulus," Remus returned the greeting. There was something about Sirius' brother that frightened Remus. A potential, maybe? A potential for what, was what was truly scary. Something told Remus that whatever had made up Regulus years ago had broken.  
  
"You shouldn't be out of Sirius' room," the quiet remark came. Had he even blinked in the past few minutes?  
  
"Um...I got lost looking for the loo."  
  
"It travels." The younger brother stood, taking a moment to brush away a strand of hair from his eyes, disturbingly resembling Sirius. "You shouldn't go out at night while at Grimmauld Place. There are things here that may hurt you."  
  
"I'm sure I could handle myself. Anyway what is there to hurt me?" Besides Mrs. Black...  
  
Regulus dramatized his response, taking languid steps forward, still retaining that cat-like grace. He stopped in front of Remus, close enough their toes touched and faces were mere millimeters apart. Remus had never taken the time to realise that Regulus was nearly the same height as him. "Other than the poltergeist, the..."  
  
Remus stepped back, "Get to the point, Regulus. I'm tired and I have a feeling its going to take quite a bit longer to find Sirius' room."  
  
Regulus regained that step, his lips curling maliciously. "Poor boy...are you frightened of...me?" Maybe that thing had not only broken, but shattered completely. In little pieces. Tiny ones.  
  
Remus took another step back. "No. I've got better things to be frightened of. Tell me how to get back to Sirius' room."  
  
"Sirius, Sirius, Sirius." Regulus turned around abruptly, throwing up his hands and grumbling to himself. "It's always about him isn't it. Lovely boy, lovely boy. 'It's just too bad your second son was half as beautiful as the first.' 'No, no, Mrs. Black, its not that he isn't smart...he just doesn't apply himself. Of course, young Regulus, he tries his best and that can't be a baaaad thing.'"  
  
Remus blinked after the dipping tones of Regulus' imitations had faded. That's what they were? Imitations. Had people said this about the younger? No wonder why he was so...shattered.  
  
"You think it's easy, don't you?" Regulus accused Remus. "Well, I'll always only be 'second son' to my father. Our father. Damn him. He gets all the smarts, the looks and...Everything." Regulus stared a moment, then turned to look out the window. "Regulus can be a good boy. Regulus will have everything. No, no...Reggie has nothing. Only second bloody son! 'Get Mummy her newspaper, dearest! There's a good boy!' 'Stop doting on the boy! Never learn any self respect!' 'I do not dote. As I recall, you doted on Sirius...Look how he turned out.'" Regulus paused in what were obvious impressions of his mother and father. "Sirius? Sirius? Who's Sirius? Sirius is merely a concept...and unreachable goal..."  
  
"Regulus?" Remus finally managed to say.  
  
The boy perked to attention, as if he'd nodded off while talking. "You are so lucky, Remus. You and James and Peter..."  
  
Remus hadn't even known the younger brother knew their names.  
  
"You have Sirius...Or rather...Sirius has you, yes? He doesn't have to 'make Mummy proud' or try hard to have friends. He just has them. He's so bloody perfect..." The sane spurt seemed to have dried, his impressions returning, "'And why doesn't Reggie invite his friends over?'" That was too scarily Sirius, so much so, Remus glanced around to see if this was some sort of ruse. "'Yes, that's a wonderful idea. (I knew you had to be good for something, Sirius.) Why don't you invite your friends over as well?'"  
  
"Regulus?" Remus questioned again.  
  
"...Because Regulus doesn't have friends to invite over, Mummy." Regulus was silent, staring wide-eyed over Remus' shoulder, perfectly still.  
  
"Where's Sirius' room? Please tell me..." Remus plead softly.  
  
"Two doors to your left, dear boy. Two doors." Regulus stepped forward, grabbing Remus' hand and shaking it fervently, a grin alighting his lips. "So nice of you to stop by...so nice of you to visit! Well, fare thee well, dearest Moony! I hope you enjoyed your stay!" With that he stepped away, humming softly as he went, and disappeared down the corridors.  
  
Remus stared after him, his candle guttering dangerously. A glance was thrown two doors to the left, and sure enough, the beat up door that signified Sirius' room stood there. Shattered didn't even begin to explain it.  
  
As he stepped through the door, James and Sirius greeted him with mocking questions of getting lost, which died on their lips. Remus was pale. Unnaturally so.  
  
"Remus?" Sirius questioned softly.  
  
"Your brother is gone, Sirius. Just...gone..."  
  
"I thought I heard his voice. It's good he's gone...A bit of a nutter, if you ask me."  
  
"A bit doesn't even begin to describe him, Sirius. He's just...gone." 


	7. Avatar of Hope

Disclaimer: I own not the wonderful world of Harry Potter. I claim no ties to them beside the disgusting amount of love and adoration. Let it be known! These characters are owned by the wonderful J.K. Rowling. She is a goddess.  
  
Notes: Ah...Hannio. I'll never tire of your comments...really my driving force. ;; That may, or may not, be a good thing. I originally meant it only to be two parts. Lmfao. You can see how well that went, yes? Anywho, about Reggie being...less than sane, I always imagine him something like that. He has to live under these strict rules (probably stricter than Sirius had to endure) and he's always the second son and Sirius is perfect and whatnot. "Lacks energy?" GAH! Should I instill my beating heart into the page? "Try to stick to one time period"? How boring would that be? Plus the story wouldn't be told properly. It would all be dialogue, which I usually find intensely boring. I can't even get through a play script without zoning. I realise I have lots of dialogue, but I don't want to make the entire thing dialogue  
Watch out for beating hearts. And if you find any beating hearts, tell me, I seem to have lost mine.  
  
"So you liked Reggie?"  
  
"I didn't like Reggie."  
  
"Sympathy for the devil."  
  
"Sympathy for the insane."  
  
"Reggie was perfectly sane."  
  
"He wasn't, Sirius."  
  
"He always did those impressions though. That was his thing...I guess."  
  
"He hated everything and everyone in his life...Except you. He might've been fine, mentally, if you had even tried to be nice to him. He probably made Voldemort kill him."  
  
Sirius threw up his hands suddenly with a roll of his eyes. "Blame something else on me, Remus."  
  
"Wha-?"  
  
"Really. Please. I need to feel guiltier than I already do. I feel like shit, Remus. First I..." Sirius stood and put a hand to his mouth, staring thoughtfully and tearfully at the floor. "I hurt you, then I don't listen, then I kill my own brother...What else, Remus? What else?"  
  
"You need a haircut."  
  
Sirius rounded on a perfectly calm Remus. "This isn't supposed to be funny."  
  
"Nope. It's perfectly...'Sirius.'"  
  
"Mer-lin! Lupin, will you listen?"  
  
"As I recall, you don't."  
  
"Fucking hell." Sirius threw up his hands again, seemingly imploring the help of some deity.  
  
"Sirius."  
  
"Oh no! It's the big bad Sirius..." The rest seemed more for himself, set out in a series of grumbles and sneering faces.  
  
"Sirius." Remus rolled his eyes and sighed.  
  
"What did I do now, Remus? What did I do now?"  
  
"Sirius." Remus just shook his head.  
  
"What? What?!" Sirius pouted, crossing his arms and glaring at Remus.  
  
Remus raised a brow, and shook his head again. This was worse than dealing with a child. "Sirius. Will you stop it? Look at yourself. Truly look at yourself. I thought you didn't want to become like this. To become your father. That's who you remind me of. So enough of this! I don't like seeing you act like you are no more sane than your brother."  
  
"He wasn't mad, Remus. He was just..."  
  
"...Gone. Just...gone." The lycanthrope's lips twitched, remembering that second night. He began again, first letting out his breath, one he hadn't realised he'd been holding. "Listen. This is silly. Let's just start again."  
  
"From where?"  
  
"From here..." Remus stood abruptly, knocking over his tea, and pulled Sirius' face to meet his. Lips touched and all else melted away from reality (this includes the increasing wetness on Remus' front due to the spilled tea).  
  
Sirius, too, seemed to have lost all bearings on reality. Hands climbed the height to touch the thin ones holding his face. Fingers traced lines on the lycanthrope's hands, finally pulling them away, if only to scrutinize them through touch. A wet line traveled along Remus' lips before he finally parted them-  
  
Only to be interrupted by two annoyingly loud cracks.  
  
Wide-eyed, both men pulled away, staring at one another. Remus turned slowly to see two very disgustingly innocent and red-faced, red-haired young men, both seeming horribly interested in the tiles on the floor. Remus cleared his throat. The red-heads jumped to attention, turning a darker shade of scarlet (quite an accomplishment), and tried their best to look Remus in the face.  
  
"You saw nothing."  
  
"Oh, we saw quite a bit..." Fred mumbled.  
  
"Well...some dogs just like to lick," George coughed.  
  
Sirius found this terribly amusing, despite Remus' glare. Sirius leaned over the table, a sly grin on his lips, raising and lowering his eyebrow suggestively at Remus, "Yes, yes. Some dogs just like to lick."  
  
"SIRIUS!" 


	8. Pearled Unicorn

Disclaimer: I own not the wonderful world of Harry Potter. I claim no ties to them beside the disgusting amount of love and adoration. Let it be known! These characters are owned by the wonderful J.K. Rowling. She is a goddess.  
  
Notes: Sigh I've been pestered into writing another chapter. I love you guys. Still...watch your step. I might have to insert another beating heart. Lol. So should this be the end? Or do you still want more, loves? Amanda, love, learn to soften you blows and I might listen to you.  
  
Remus lay in the warm circle of Sirius' arms. This seemed horribly familiar, and too perfectly not. Even as Sirius nuzzled between Remus' shoulder blades, Remus thought it was very different from that night sixth year. For one, Sirius was asleep and currently making far more sound than he did when he was only sixteen. Secondly, it was completely consensual.  
  
The day's event still vivid in his memory, Remus went over them, blushing as he had at several moments. He grimaced at how Sirius had thought it nothing less than hilarious that Remus' blush seemed burned in.  
  
After the twins had announced their arrivals at such an inconvenient point in Remus and Sirius' reconciliation, Molly, Ron, Ginny, Arthur and Bill had arrived via brooms. Apparently the twins had been eager to test out their new apparating techniques.  
  
Molly's voice was heard shushing everyone, though a millisecond later, Mrs. Black had woken and was screeching horribly. Sirius groaned and ran out of the room, and Remus had been left frozen in the gazes of the twins.  
  
Ah...explanations. Usually this was the easy part for Sirius. As for Remus? This was the down-side to enjoying yourself. "Uhm..."  
  
"No need to explain, Professor."  
  
Thank Merlin!  
  
"Well...Maybe just a bit."  
  
"Uhm..."  
  
"That was Sirius Black?"  
  
"He looked a lot worse in the posters."  
  
"Uhm..."  
  
"Must be the Professor's influence."  
  
"Ach and who wouldn't be rejuvenated by it?"  
  
Was it Fred or George who said that? He'd been away from them too long, he couldn't remember how he told them apart before.  
  
"George-y ole boy, are you trying to say something?" Fred (apparently) asked with a grin.  
  
"You know those silly school-boy crushes and all..."  
  
"Uhm..."  
  
"Ability for intelligent speech limited."  
  
"Hm. And what would fix that?"  
  
Remus was saved as Sirius came marching back into the kitchen, Mrs. Black's screams long since silenced. Several bags of luggage were slung in various places on Sirius. "Need some help taking their stuff up, boys. You mind grabbing it?"  
  
The redheads immediately took Sirius up on the offer and skedaddled out of the kitchen as fast as their legs could carry them, luggage and all. Remus smiled gratefully at Sirius.  
  
"Drilling you?"  
  
"No. They just have a knack for making others uncomfortable, I think."  
  
"Hm. Should we have a sit-down with them?"  
  
"Only if you think it's necessary. They know how to keep secrets. Merlin knows they have enough of them themselves."  
  
"They do? What do boys that age have to hide?"  
  
"What did you have to hide at that age? What did I have to hide at that age?"  
  
"Near everything."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
Hours later found the small group, minus Mrs. Weasley who was busy exploring the kitchen and all the utensils associated with such, sitting around a fire, all busy with their own projects, so to speak. Ron was playing one of the twins at chess, while the other twin looked on, occasionally throwing commentary. Bill and Ginny were sitting across from one another on identical couches, both covered in white sheets, and discussing something that seemed of grave importance to both. Arthur was exploring the reading selection on the built in shelves, muttering frequently and touching on the spines of certain books. Sirius and Remus sat in the midst of it, staring at one another, throwing in the sporadic word for an attempt at small talk that didn't seem to want to happen.  
  
Remus eyed the twin sitting on the floor beside his brothers, watching the game. So one of the boys was like that? Remus knew the muggle scientists would be clawing one another to learn that. Nurture versus nature...wasn't that what those silly muggles were always arguing? Bah...nonsense.  
  
The boy he'd been staring at, something he'd realized moments ago with some embarrassment, turned to Remus. It must've been George. The blue eyes fell a moment, a soft blush creeping into his cheeks. Abruptly, eyes were returned to Remus' stare. The wolf in the lycanthrope seemed to take hold of Remus a moment, holding the boy's eyes. It was a dominance thing, nothing personal. George was the first to turn his eyes away, apparently understanding this.  
  
Remus turned back to Sirius, who seemed to have waited patiently all through this episode. "I was never quite sure whether I should be amused, amazed or confused by twins," Sirius commented.  
  
Remus sipped his tea and nodded. "Especially with those two. Most often, I've learned, you should just be suspicious."  
  
Sirius let out a bark of laughter, apparently frightening Ginny, who jumped out of her seat and then blushed furiously, casting apologetic glances in Sirius' direction. "Poor girl..." Sirius murmured, offering a smile and a nod. "I should keep my voice down..."  
  
"They just need to get used to the idea that you aren't a bad guy." Remus winced when Sirius went completely still. Whether it was Azkaban or the most recent addition to Sirius' guilts that Remus had added onto, he was unsure, but he felt he'd made a perfect idiot of himself. "Which you aren't in the least." He sipped his tea, pretending he had some dignity left.  
  
Sirius relaxed a bit, though seemed a bit uncomfortable. "Perhaps its time I go to bed. No doubt it will be a long day tomorrow."  
  
Remus nodded and watched him get up and leave the room, all the while aching to follow and make amends. Of course, George was making motions to come over and talk and Remus obligingly settled into discussions of Hogwarts, werewolves and twins.  
  
Had it only been an hour ago he'd been able to slip away? Finding his way up the winding staircase and staring at the window where Regulus had sat all those years ago and unknowing spilled his deepest desires to Remus.  
  
"Two doors to your left, dear boy. Two doors," Remus murmured under his breath, with a glance at the window, and then turning and following the advice. A gentle knock on the door had earned him a muffled reply, to which he stepped through the door.  
  
Sirius sat in bed, book held in his lap, covers hiding his legs, though bare chest was shown. Sirius had never been much of a reader, Remus mused, but that was back in Hogwarts. "Hallo..." Sirius greeted quietly, seeming slightly confused.  
  
"Uhm...Hi." Remus offered a pathetic little wave as he closed the door behind him.  
  
"Is there...something I can do for you?"  
  
Remus nodded and walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge.  
  
"Well...?"  
  
The lycanthrope extracted the book from Sirius' hands, as if he were going to examine it. Sirius let go willingly of it, watching as Remus marked the page, and set it on the nightstand closest to him.  
  
"What are you...?" which was promptly silenced by a kiss.  
  
Remus managed to tug off his boots, and crawl into Sirius' lap, while holding the other man's attention with the kiss. Later, he'd wonder how he'd done it, but then...the need had been there and neither seemed to want to break it.  
  
All of which brought them back to the starting point, lying in bed. Sirius had managed to fall asleep rather quickly, though Remus was periodically pinching himself to see if he was really awake and this was all real.  
  
The best part was that it was real. And no matter how many times he pinched himself, Remus knew that reality was still intact.  
  
Thank Merlin. 


End file.
